battery

I have a new battery in my laptop. Since I always use my computer on AC power, I was in no hurry to replace it when it gave up a few months ago, but there were side effects that I had not counted on. One of them was a frightful blue screen that appeared while I was on a trip to Niagara Falls a few weeks ago. It seems that the short term memory is lost when I unplug it and transport it without a battery. And so the computer forgot who it was and why it was here and I had to run a diagnostic to tell it where to look for this basic information (yes, I use blatant personification for many inanimate objects).

I unplugged my computer a few minutes ago, just to give the new battery a little test run. It says I have 4 hours and 23 minutes of battery life left. Wow, the initial factory-supplied battery never gave me that kind of mileage! I could not make it through a 90 minute movie without plugging in! This is sweet!

Reserve power is important in my life as well. I won't always have optimum access to energy and truth and encouragement and consistent good input. And when those times come, and they always do, what am I running on? Do I crash and forget who I am and what I am about, questioning everything from the existence of God to why I am still living and working here?

Or do I have a reserve, a basic remembrance of who God made me to be and why he has me here at this point in time? Do I remember that I exist through grace and am never far from it? Do I know that even though I feel unplugged, this is temporary and I am never alone without hope? I say YES to the last three questions. This is faith.

I love my battery. 4 hours and 17 minutes left.

This is Niagara Falls, source of much hydro-electric power.

Echo (echo)

I sold my Echo on Saturday. It has been a great little car for the almost 5 years I have owned it, but since moving closer to downtown, I decided that perhaps I could do without a vehicle. I already own a bus/metro pass and use it several times a week to get around because it eliminates fighting the traffic and paying for parking. Due to living right on a bus route and being within walking distance to many stores, my little car was sitting behind our condo for days at a time, lonely and under-appreciated. I mostly used it to get groceries, run errands, get somewhere when I was running late, or help out friends. It was really a convenience more than a necessity, and I calculated that the annual cost of registration and insurance alone would cover a car rental twice a month, before one figured in any maintenance and repairs. Plus, we still had Dean's car which I could use on evenings and weekends.

And so I put it up for sale on http://www.craigslist.ca/ (I love craigslist!) on Tuesday, July 7. I had three calls within the next few days. All the prospective buyers looked my car over and offered me money for it. Of the three gentlemen that I met, Nasir from Pakistan was the one that I wanted to sell my car to. He was a recent engineering graduate and a family man with a new baby and elderly visiting parents, and this was to be his first automobile in Canada. He was excited about owning a car, even though it presented some challenges for him, like learning how to drive on the right side of the road and shift with his right hand. He also offered me the best price, though his final offer came in $100 lower than I had hoped to get for my car. I asked God to somehow close the gap, whether through giving Nasir some money or having me find $100 on the sidewalk or whatever he saw fit.

We left it for a few days and I received no other better offers on my car, so I called Nasir and accepted his price, deciding that $100 was nothing to be concerned about. He was very happy and we made the exchange on Saturday morning. Six days later, I am still very content to be car-less. I plan my errands in advance to make the best use of my time and love getting outside to walk on a regular basis. If is it raining, I just postpone things or take the bus or wait for Dean's car. There is always a creative solution to be found, and I feel a new sense of freedom from the faux urgency of life and the chronic consumerism that is part of so much of life in the Western world.

Yesterday, someone unexpectedly gave me $100. I didn't make the connection between my prayer and the gift until this morning. As always, God is very good at closing the gaps, but often asks me to trust him first so that I don't confuse his characteristic faithfulness with things magically working out in my life. Whether I received the extra $100 or not, I was content, and I think that's more valuable than any money that came my way.

This is me, taking a brief stop at the pond to enjoy the scenery on my walk to the mall to do some banking yesterday.

are you a good receiver?

The topic of receiving has been coming up a lot in my life this past month. It started when I read the story of Mary again and was struck by how she willingly received everything that God was offering to her. Then I pulled a muscle on the day we were hosting a Canada Day party and had to receive a lot of help from my guests. As well, for a week, my modem had issues and my email program would only receive emails and I could not send anything. Okay, okay, I get it.

I have become much more aware of how badly I still receive. As a result, I have modified my behaviour and attitude in quite a few ways, indeed I have. I don't often pray, "God, I need this one thing," but I say, "God, what are you offering me today?" I consciously try to accept and embrace prayers, gifts, help, and true words from others and from God. I say, "I receive," a lot to remind myself not to be so self-reliant. So on Sunday morning when I was asking God what to speak on that night, I was surprised when the receiving thing came up again. I get it, really I do, so why is he still on this topic? I guess I still have things to learn. Here is some of what I brought on Sunday night to my friends.

Some basics about receiving things that God brings my way:
1. Receiving is not passivity, self-centredness, nor accepting everything people offer me. It is not becoming a yes-man (or woman) without discernment.
2. Receiving is not bartering or trading or making an even deal. It is just receiving.
3. It is not becoming a taker instead of a giver. It is getting these two things in the right perspective and order (see the example of Mary and Martha in Luke 10).
4. God ALWAYS has something to give.
5. Until I have the spirit of God living and moving in me like Jesus did, I have a lot more receiving to do.
6. We tend to think of learning in terms of completion instead of maturing (yep, took that course on love, got it down). Maturing happens every moment of every day.

Jesus pointed out that the goal is not to overcome evil and do good. The focus is on God and what he brings to our lives and to the world. "The great triumph is not in your authority over evil, but in God's authority over you and presence with you. Not what you do for God but what God does for you - that's the agenda for rejoicing. (Matthew 10:19-20 in The Message).

Here are some obstacles to being a good receiver (think football):
1. Being out of position. We must be willing to move, to keep our eye on the ball, to run hard if we have to.
2. Expecting or asking for inappropriate things. "Toss me the guitar!"
3. Something blocks our line of sight or stops the ball from getting to us (interception). This could be: fear, worry, control, self-reliance, self-absorption, and an unwillingness to leave our safety zone. But we really cannot score if we never leave our own zone.

If I think I am a good receiver, I just have to ask myself: do I have enough? Do I have enough love in my life? Enough authority over evil, sickness and death? Do I have enough peace in all circumstances? Do I have enough faith that nothing is impossible with God? Do I have enough comfort and hope in tough times? Do I have enough joy and patience in my everyday life? Do we have enough hope for the future? Do we have enough power and strength to change the things that need to be changed? If we don't, then we need to learn to be better receivers.

Football players practise every day; they work hard to become good receivers and do things that the rest of us only marvel at. Click here for some inspirational football stunts. We can become good receivers, but it means changing how we think, act, and position ourselves.

What is God offering me today? Am I in a position to receive it? Is anything blocking me from receiving it? I receive. God help my un-receiving heart.

This is a football practice in St. Catherines, Ontario. Go team!

the cooking show

Here is my first cooking show, where a fabulous new recipe that I invented a few weeks ago is revealed. Please be aware that this video may cause your stomach to make strange noises.

No animals were harmed in the making of this video, but several corn chips were crushed beyond recognition.

reckless <> careful

My new modem arrived today and I am back online. You don't know how valuable something is until you have to do without it for awhile. I can now research and write and reply to emails instantly with the flick of my forefinger. I can also run up and down the stairs in our home. These are both things I could not do a few days ago. I am sitting in the chair of gratefulness today, and I hope that I do not soon forget the privilege.

This past week I have had to receive more than usual. It is good for me. I always want to be willing to take what God is bringing my way. I have also seen that I get things mixed up sometimes. I am reckless where I should be careful, and I am careful where I should be reckless. I am reckless in areas where I think I know what I am doing. I am reckless when everyone else is doing something and I feel I should be able to do it as well (like play soccer with an injured muscle). I am reckless when I do not consider the value or cost to myself or another person. Mostly, I am reckless when I trust myself.

I am careful when dealing with God. I want to do the right thing and I think he is hard to please, so I hesitate. I am uncomfortable with what he is asking me, so I modify and compensate. I am unsure of what he is asking of me, it all sounds too crazy, so I rationalise and compare instead of act. I want to walk on the water when he calls my name, but there are so many things to consider first. One must be careful with these decisions, right? Very often, I am careful when it comes to trusting God, which just means that I don't. Consider the parable where the one servant buries his gift because he doesn't want to disappoint anyone. Bad idea.

See how these things are mixed up? I need to be more reckless when it comes to trusting God, and more careful when it comes to trusting myself. I need to just jump in and do what I see Jesus doing, to try to walk on the water, to try to heal people, to try to tell people the amazing truth, and to try to love outside of my safety fence. I need not to rely on my own abilities and experience and knowledge as if they were foolproof methods for making wise decisions and having things work out well.

Let recklessness and carefulness find their proper place in my life.

This a staircase beside the Welland Canal.

woman down

So, my modem died on Sunday. It just gave up all its lights and is now sitting lifeless and unproductive on the table, hoping I will consider giving it a second life as a paper weight or modern sculpture. Don't think so! I was supposed to receive a replacement in 2 business days, whatever that means, since it is now 5 days later and I am still doing without. Really, I don't mind being without access to the world wide web for a few days while I wait for my new modem, but much of my communication, writing, and studying is done online, and so I have already missed a webinar and fallen woefully behind in my writing schedule. On the work side of things, I have to disseminate certain information to our church community every week and on Tuesday, it took three attempts in three different Internet access locations before I finally managed to send this important communique. Rather inconvenient, to say the least.

We are in Ontario for the weekend visiting friends and now have access to their wireless network. Life should be good, but this morning when I turned on my computer, it refused to recognise its very own hard drive and Dean had to run it through a diagnostic (which is a very scary blue screen) before it would even start up. Quite concerning, yes.

Those are my computer woes, which are interesting enough, but there's more. On Wednesday we hosted a Canada Day party which included some frisbee tossing and soccer in the park near our condo. I had strained a leg muscle on Sunday while shooting a rifle (not sure how one manages to do that, but I found a way). My leg was still a bit sore, so I attempted to play soccer half-speed on Wednesday. I was successful until the ball came my way and I had to do something quickly. So I ran and turned and kicked and suddenly it felt like someone had sliced into my quadriceps with a knife. It turns out that I pulled a big muscle and though it is getting better every day, I walk like an 80-year-old who forgot his cane at home. Uncomfortable and bothersome, for sure, and a source of much amusement for my friends.

While this week has thrown quite a few challenges my way, it has also laid the table for a feast of good fruit in my life - an opportunity to chew on valuable virtues that I really had not taken the time to digest properly.

1. Receive. While I sat on the couch with my leg up and a frozen bag of peas on my strained muscle, my group of Canada Day guests prepared a delicious meal for each other, tidied the kitchen, and managed the party all very nicely without my help. Who would have thought that I didn't need to do it all myself and could actually embrace and receive help when offered? I am not nearly so good at this as I thought. How much goodness do I unintentionally deflect when it comes my way? More than I care to acknowledge.
2. Gratefulness. Being thankful attacks discouragement at the root and undermines deceptive and destructive negative thoughts before they begin. But it takes practise. Practise. Practise. So I have had lots of opportunity to do that this week.
3. Relax. Not everything needs to be done according to my specifications within the time frame I think is preferable and have the outcome I envisioned. In fact, not a whole lot of life will fit into those silly criteria. Instead, let me: Hope. Trust. Love. Life within these 3 dimensions is what I am really shooting for, so I want to learn to resist the temptation to force life towards a certain predetermined goal and instead, lean into the strong wind of Love and let it move me.
4. Tasks are not more important than people.
5. Rest is just as important as work.
6. Ask God before spending a lot of time developing my own plan. It saves time and energy and produces better results in me and in my situations.
7. Be patient with mobility-challenged people and slowness of any kind. People have enough challenges to face without some impatient person on their tail.
8. Walking is one of the most incredible gifts God ever gave.

This is the Niagara Falls, the American side, where I hobbled this afternoon with good friends.

the social

I just finished reading the book, The Search to Belong, by Joseph R. Myers. It explores the 4 primary spaces that relationships happen in our lives.
1. Public: we connect to strangers through an outside influence such as a sporting event; there is little interaction beyond this event or location, but it is significant to our lives.
2. Social: we relate to others we have a connection with, we present "snapshots" of ourselves as we encounter others in a casual setting and relate briefly.
3. Personal: we develop friendships and share private experiences, feelings, and thoughts.
4. Intimate: we are "naked" and intimate with a few people in our lives, sharing our inmost thoughts and feelings without shame.

I do very well in the public setting because I love the energy of a large group where there is no need to engage with everyone. But, I naturally gravitate to the personally intimate spaces, and sometimes find the social setting frustrating because I believe that I need to have a deep and meaningful conversation in order to feel like the event was a success! That is a totally unrealistic expectation, and reading this book helped me understand why I have left so many group outings feeling deflated and overlooked. I was looking for intimacy in all the wrong places.

The other challenging point Myers makes is that we should be relating to God in all of these spaces and not trying to hurry everyone to the intimate place as if it were the only one of real value. Yes, I have done that. I sometimes introduce intimacy at inappropriate times instead of letting people encounter God and each other in all spaces. I forget that God made us to be social beings as well as communal beings.

Every space is valid and necessary for a healthy and whole community life. We only have the energy for a few intimate relationships, so I should not try to have that kind of closeness with everyone I meet. Being intimate with everyone means that there is no real intimacy! The ratio Myers gives is roughly this: for every 8 people in your public space, you will have 4 social connections, 2 personal friends, and 1 intimate relationship. A healthy and vibrant community is made up of a group who has connections on every level in harmonious balance, seeing God at work in all of them.

Yesterday, I participated in a group outing. There were about a dozen people, some coming and going throughout the day, as we celebrated Quebec's national holiday. We started with brunch, then played several games of Mafia (I nailed the part of the Doctor in one game - oh yeah!), then headed to the park for frisbee tossing, water balloon catch, and a pick-up game of soccer. After that, we went back to a friend's apartment for a rest and a drink, then headed downtown for dinner at a Thai restaurant. After the meal, we wandered around downtown Montreal for a bit, got some ice cream and drinks and sat by a fountain, talking and relaxing in the warm evening air. It was one of the best days of my life in Montreal.

Part of the reason was that I had prepared myself that morning by saying, "This is a social outing, Matte. Don't expect to have any deep conversations about people's inner thoughts. Just enjoy the day, play games, relate to others in an easy and friendly manner, and take delight in every person that you interact with, no more expectations than that." And so I did. God was very present. His name came up occasionally in the conversation, we spontaneously prayed for a friend with a sore knee, and every time I ran and jumped and drank water and laughed at the silliness of someone and commended the skill of another, or saw other people do the same, I felt his pleasure.

Imagine that: God being present and alive in a casual social setting and that being as valuable as a Bible study or a time of worship! Yes, it's true!

This is me on my balcony just before heading out to celebrate Quebec with friends.